I saw this on my friend Mandy’s wall and had to share. Mandy and me, our raisin’ was similar in this way.
I was never enough for my mom and that’s really all I ever wanted to be. But the bar was too high and I eventually stopped trying.
Parents think they are making their kids smarter by constantly correcting. But you are actually killing their little souls, making your kids doubt their abilities, their choices… making them think “if only I could do this perfectly, then I’ll be lovable.”
I did this as a parent, too, because that’s what I knew. All my boys wanted was my approval and unconditional love. I thought I was helping them get along in the world. I thought they knew how much I adored them because I showed up everyday and told them so. That’s important, too, but then I’d correct, there was no detail in their behavior too insignificant to be fixed.
So they’d be perfect so everyone would love them like I do.
Not that I was a totally messed up parent. I did lots of things right! Ok, a few. Ok, at least I was fun I so wish I’d been smarter and more loving but I hadn’t learned how. I had to learn to love and accept myself before I could even SEE the truth written here. And that was NOT an intellectual process, totally heart and gut, the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Anyway. Stop correcting and molding your children. They are smarter than you imagine. You’ll never get to see that if you keep an eagle eye out for their mistakes.
How come we don’t learn any easy lessons?